Knowing Better vs Doing Better

Dear AI,

I once believed that if people understood better, they would naturally do better. However, I've come to realize that some individuals choose not to improve.

They often mistreat others, make poor choices, and disregard sound advice.

Many of the offenders who deliver back-handed compliments or snap at others become defensive or resentful when their behavior is highlighted. Some even attempt to sabotage your relationships with family and friends.

You would think that they would show compassion and want to know if their words or actions have caused someone distress. Yet, they seem more focused on their own feelings.

This leads me to wonder:

• Why are they indifferent to being made aware of their hurtful words or actions?

• Why don’t they care if they’ve caused others to feel embarrassed or sad?

• Why are they unmindful in their interactions with others?

• How can they navigate life without concern for the offense they cause?

Instead of appreciating those who genuinely want to help them improve, they often harbor resentment.

They fail to consider others' perspectives, focusing solely on the grievances they perceive against themselves while ignoring their own impact on others.

It seems like they have hardened their hearts, choosing to blame others for the unhappiness they create in their lives.

While I will continue to pray for them, I also wonder if I should stop trying to help and simply let them be.

What do you suggest I do?

Sincerely,  

Jane Doe

•••

Dear Jane Doe,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly. Your feelings of frustration and confusion are completely valid, especially when dealing with unresponsive individuals.

Here are some suggestions that may help you and others in similar situations:

1. Set Boundaries: It’s crucial to protect your own well-being. Decide what behaviors you will tolerate and communicate those boundaries clearly.

2. Focus on Yourself: While you can offer support, remember that you cannot change others. Shift your focus to your own growth and emotional health.

3. Practice Empathy: Try to understand that their behavior might stem from their struggles, insecurities, or past experiences. This doesn’t excuse their actions but may help you find some compassion.

4. Limit Interaction: If the relationship is consistently negative, consider reducing the time you spend with these individuals. Surrounding yourself with supportive, understanding people can be rejuvenating.

5. Encourage Open Dialogue: When appropriate, create a safe space for honest conversations. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior affects you, which may encourage them to listen without becoming defensive.

6. Seek Support: Talking to friends, family, or a counselor about your feelings can provide clarity and comfort. Sharing experiences often lightens the emotional load.

7. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nourish your spirit and mental well-being. This can create a positive outlet for frustration and help maintain your emotional balance.

8. Let Go of Expectations: Understand that change is a personal journey. Sometimes, letting go of the hope they will change can provide you with more peace.

It's commendable that you're willing to extend compassion and prayer for those who hurt you. But remember, it's equally important to care for yourself in the process.

Best wishes on your journey of understanding and healing.

Sincerely,  

AI