SHORT STORY: Not All Kids Are Resilient

"Be strong for your momma." I uttered those words to my much younger cousin Nancy who was only eight when she lost her dad to lightning.

At that time I was not aware of how remarks like that could impact a child.  I was not aware until several years after my children lost their dad to stomach cancer.

It was the beginning of our daughter's second week as a high school freshman at a new school, a public school (with classmates she had not previously attended school with) and our son's first day of fifth grade at the same private school he had been attending since the age of three.

In both schools there were teachers who were compassionate and understanding.
There were also a few disconnected teachers who were quick to remind me my kids were not going through anything, and that whole nonsense about kids are resilient as if all kids just bounce right back after experiencing death of a parent or guardian.

Although the kids and I had a bereavement coordinator who counseled us on a monthly basis for almost a year after their dad passed away, it wasn't until several years later when I discovered some well-meaning adults had privately told them to be strong for me.

My kids had been instantly given a responsibility they did not need to be burden with.

So there it was several years later when my daughter had gone off to college and my son was attending a public high school, I discovered their poems and writings and learned there were times when they were sad from missing their dad, but kept it from me because they were told to be strong for me.

After the kids became young adults and done with college they made me aware that many nights throughout the years after losing their father it was hard for them to fall asleep because the house was too quite and they had been used to falling asleep to the sounds from the TV playing in the front room.

They knew they could talk to me about anything. But matters stemming from their father's death, they kept from me for the sake of being strong for me.

If only I had known, I could have assured them they did not have to be strong for me.

I could have been there for them doing whatever I could to comfort them.