Dear Biracial People: You Do Not Have To Choose

Many biracial people face the challenging reality of feeling compelled to choose one side of their heritage over another. This phenomenon, while deeply personal, often stems from societal pressures, stereotypes, and the pervasive idea that one must fit neatly into a single racial category. 

However, embracing both sides of one’s heritage can lead to a richer self-identity and a more profound appreciation of one’s unique place in the world.

The pressures to fit in often lead to the unfortunate choice to highlight one racial identity at the expense of the other. 

This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, confusion, and even self-hatred, as individuals grapple with the narrative that they must prioritize one lineage over the other to be seen as acceptable.

Contrary to the notion that choosing one side leads to social acceptance, embracing both sides fosters a sense of authenticity, resilience, and pride.

By embracing both sides, biracial individuals can become powerful advocates for unity, understanding, and acceptance, challenging societal stereotypes and prejudices head-on.

Furthermore, self-acceptance is essential. Loving every part of oneself is fundamental to breaking the cycle of self-hatred that can arise from feeling divided.

By embracing every aspect of your identity, you do not diminish one race but rather elevate the richness of both—honoring your heritage and reflecting a love for who you are—a beautiful blend of diverse cultures that contribute to the rich medley of humanity.

The Importance of Self-Awareness for Personal Growth

In the journey of personal growth, self-awareness stands out as a foundational trait that significantly shapes our development. Defined as the ability to recognize and understand one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, self-awareness serves as a powerful tool for introspection and reflection.

Here are several reasons why cultivating self-awareness is essential for fostering personal growth.

1. Enhanced Emotional Intelligence

Self-awareness is a crucial component of emotional intelligence, which refers to our ability to perceive, understand, and manage our emotions and those of others. By being aware of our feelings and reactions, we can navigate social interactions more effectively, fostering better relationships both personally and professionally. This understanding allows for greater empathy, as we become more attuned to the emotions of others, facilitating deeper connections.

2. Clarity in Goals and Values

Understanding oneself is vital for identifying personal values and aspirations. Self-awareness helps individuals recognize what truly matters to them, allowing for clarity when setting goals. This alignment between personal values and life objectives ensures that the paths we choose resonate with our authentic selves, leading to more fulfilling experiences and achievements.

3. Improved Decision-Making

Self-awareness enhances our decision-making abilities. When we understand our biases, triggers, and motivations, we can make more informed choices that align with our long-term goals. This is particularly valuable during challenging situations, as self-awareness enables us to pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

4. Openness to Feedback

One of the hallmarks of self-aware individuals is their receptivity to feedback. They understand that constructive criticism is a means for growth rather than a personal attack. This openness allows them to learn from their experiences and the perspectives of others, fostering a culture of continuous improvement and adaptation.

5. Resilience and Adaptability

Life is full of uncertainties and challenges, and self-awareness plays a critical role in building resilience. By understanding our strengths and weaknesses, we can develop coping strategies that enable us to navigate adversity with greater ease. This adaptability not only bolsters our ability to bounce back but also enhances our overall capacity to learn from setbacks.

Self-awareness is more than just an introspective practice; it is a pivotal trait that fuels personal growth. 

By fostering emotional intelligence, clarifying goals, improving decision-making, embracing feedback, and building resilience, self-awareness creates a strong foundation for individuals striving for development.

Investing time and effort in understanding ourselves ultimately empowers us to lead more fulfilling lives, achieve our aspirations, and engage meaningfully with the world around us. 

As we recognize self-awareness, we unlock the potential for profound personal transformation.

Why Some People Are Nicer to Strangers than to Family

It’s a paradox that many have observed: Individuals frequently extend more kindness to acquaintances or even fleeting encounters than they do to the very people who love and support them unconditionally. 

Let us consider the underlying reasons for this behavior, which can stem from a mix of societal expectations, emotional exhaustion, and the complexities of family relationships.

The Nature of Family Relationships: 

Family love is often taken for granted. This unconditional bond can lead to a sense of safety and comfort, but it also carries an implicit understanding that family will endure whatever behavior is directed at them. This safe space can breed complacency. 

Family members may feel that they can express their frustrations, vulnerabilities, and less desirable traits without the fear of losing the relationship, reserving their best manners and considerate behavior for those outside the family unit, believing that their loved ones will tolerate their less courteous moments. 

Frustration and Emotional Exhaustion:

For individuals who face negativity or stress outside the home—whether it be at work, school, or in social circles—their home may unintentionally become a dumping ground for emotional baggage. 

The frustrations accumulated throughout the day can lead to a counterproductive release of tension within the family setting. This “displacement,” manifests as irritability, harshness, or a general lack of patience toward family members, despite their supportive intentions.

The viral sentiment:

“Don’t waste all your niceness on the world. Save some for your family when you get home,” challenges the individual to re-evaluate their priorities in emotional labor. 

The goal should be to establish a balance where the family setting is infused with the same kindness that is extended to strangers.

The Irony of Expectation: When one interacts with strangers, there exists a social contract that often encourages politeness, respect, and kindness. These interactions, albeit superficial, often operate under the assumption that “we are all in this together,” creating a temporary bubble of goodwill. Conversely, with family, there is the unfortunate tendency to drop this facade, as loved ones are often expected to understand one’s flaws, faults, and off-days without judgment.

Seeking Validation Outside the Family: Moreover, the desire for validation can play a significant role in this kind of behavior. In public interactions, the approval of strangers can provide a fleeting sense of accomplishment. 

Individuals may go to great lengths to be perceived positively by those outside their intimate circles, inadvertently sacrificing the quality of family relationships in the process. Such external validation can warp priorities, where kindness is reserved for those with whom there’s little true emotional investment.

Bridging the Kindness Gap: 

Addressing this paradox requires an intentional effort to recalibrate one’s approach to family relationships. By prioritizing nurturing relationships at home and recognizing the emotional toll of external pressures, individuals can work towards creating a more compassionate and supportive family dynamic. 

Our families deserve just as much kindness as the strangers we encounter, and by finding ways to bridge that gap, we can generate environments where everyone truly feels valued and appreciated.

Embrace Your Self-doubt As an Opportunity for Growth

It's important to remember that self-doubt is a universal experience, even among those who seem confident and successful to the outside world. Those moments of uncertainty are not a reflection of your worth or abilities; they are simply part of the human journey.

Embrace your self-doubt as an opportunity for growth. Each time you face it, you're learning more about yourself, your values, and your resilience. Remember, many of the world’s greatest leaders, innovators, and artists have battled self-doubt but chose to push through it. They transformed their fears into fuel for their passion.

Trust that every step you take, no matter how small, brings you closer to your goals. Believe in yourself, because you are capable of amazing things. You have the strength within you to overcome this moment of doubt. Keep pushing forward—your journey holds incredible possibilities!

Be gentle with yourself; it’s okay to feel uncertain. Acknowledge your feelings, but don't let them define you. Instead, focus on your strengths and the progress you've made. Celebrate the small victories, and keep moving forward. 

How To Know if You Should Not Say That

I heard a minister say, “If you attach—and that’s just the way I want it—to what you say, and if that is NOT the way you want it, then that’s how you know you should not say it.”

For instance, if you say, “We’re doomed—and that’s just the way I want it,” but then realize that this is not how you truly feel or wish to express yourself, it’s time to replace those discouraging words and thoughts with more encouraging ones.

WORDS ARE POWERFUL.

Be mindful not to speak negativity into your life. It’s crucial to carefully consider what you say or wish upon others, as our words carry weight and can have significant impacts on our emotions and reality.

Instead, pray and focus on becoming the change you wish to see in the world. 

Embrace positivity and encouragement, both for yourself and those around you. 

Remember, the language we use shapes our experiences and influences our lives. Choose wisely!

Empowering Content is Better than Bashing

When we see content that reflects bitterness or frustration in a relationship, it's natural to want to share it, hoping it will prompt positive change. However, this approach often backfires, leading to more negativity and resentment.

Instead of sharing content that simply bashes others, we should focus on promoting empowering, self-development content that fosters growth and understanding. Here's why:

1. Negativity breeds negativity. Sharing content that focuses on the shortcomings of others, even if it's true, is unlikely to inspire positive change. More often, it will only serve to reinforce the receiver's negative mindset and feelings of resentment.

2. Empowerment leads to action. Content that provides practical tips, encouragement, and a roadmap for self-improvement is much more likely to motivate the receiver to take positive steps forward. This approach empowers the individual to be the change they wish to see, rather than pointing fingers.

3. Relationships thrive on understanding. When we approach our loved ones with compassion and a desire to understand their perspective, we're more likely to find common ground and work together towards a solution. Bashing and criticism, on the other hand, only serve to drive a wedge between people.

Instead of sharing the negative content, consider finding resources that address the challenges of parenting and relationship dynamics in a constructive way. 

The path to a healthier, more fulfilling family dynamic starts with each of us taking responsibility for our own growth and well-being. 

By focusing on empowering, positive content, we can inspire others to do the same, fostering a more supportive and understanding environment for all.

Sharing vs Oversharing: Understanding Personal Boundaries

For various reasons, some individuals tend to overshare personal matters, which can lead others to judge them harshly or to focus on their issues in a negative light. 

It is important to remember that not everyone needs to know every detail about your life.

For example, when discussing sensitive topics such as personal or family health issues, oversharing can invite unwanted scrutiny and negativity from others. 

This can detract from the support and understanding you may actually need.

Balancing openness with discretion can help create healthier boundaries and maintain a more positive perception among those around you.

Straight, Curly, or Colorful: It’s Our Hair, Our Choice

Frequently, I encounter videos and comments expressing disapproval towards Black women who change the texture or color of their hair. This scrutiny seems disproportionate and raises questions about why such choices are often targeted within this community.

To provide some context, White women have been altering their hair—through coloring, straightening, or wearing wigs and extensions—for generations. Historically, even White men have done the same;

With the exception of George Washington, 

The Founding Fathers, wore wigs. So, why does it appear acceptable for one race to freely express themselves through their hair while another faces judgment for doing the same?

It's essential to recognize that individuals of all races make personal choices about their hair. Some Black and White women may feel that curly or wavy hair doesn’t align with their self-image and choose to straighten it. Conversely, others may think their straight hair lacks character and opt to add waves or curls. Likewise, hair color can be a vital part of self-expression, leading many women—regardless of race—to experiment with hues they feel best represent them.

Amid this dialogue, it’s crucial to acknowledge that while some Black women may alter their hair due to societal pressures, many others do it simply out of personal preference or the desire for change—similar to their White counterparts. The ongoing "embrace your natural hair" movement is important, but it should not cultivate an environment where individuals are criticized for their choices. Accusing someone of self-rejection simply because they wear wigs, extensions, or choose different hair colors can feel mean-spirited and counterproductive.

In my view, the mantra can be simplified to this: Straight hair, no hair, fake hair—who cares? What matters far more is promoting kindness, acceptance, and understanding. If health concerns regarding hair chemicals drive some of these conversations, it’s vital to discuss those with care rather than using them as a platform to belittle personal choices.

Ultimately, we must learn to coexist peacefully and embrace individual expressions of beauty, no matter how diverse they may be. Life is too short to be entangled in needless judgments. Let’s focus on what truly matters—supporting one another in our journeys of self-expression and personal growth.

Knowing Better vs Doing Better

Dear AI,

I once believed that if people understood better, they would naturally do better. However, I've come to realize that some individuals choose not to improve.

They often mistreat others, make poor choices, and disregard sound advice.

Many of the offenders who deliver back-handed compliments or snap at others become defensive or resentful when their behavior is highlighted. Some even attempt to sabotage your relationships with family and friends.

You would think that they would show compassion and want to know if their words or actions have caused someone distress. Yet, they seem more focused on their own feelings.

This leads me to wonder:

• Why are they indifferent to being made aware of their hurtful words or actions?

• Why don’t they care if they’ve caused others to feel embarrassed or sad?

• Why are they unmindful in their interactions with others?

• How can they navigate life without concern for the offense they cause?

Instead of appreciating those who genuinely want to help them improve, they often harbor resentment.

They fail to consider others' perspectives, focusing solely on the grievances they perceive against themselves while ignoring their own impact on others.

It seems like they have hardened their hearts, choosing to blame others for the unhappiness they create in their lives.

While I will continue to pray for them, I also wonder if I should stop trying to help and simply let them be.

What do you suggest I do?

Sincerely,  

Jane Doe

•••

Dear Jane Doe,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly. Your feelings of frustration and confusion are completely valid, especially when dealing with unresponsive individuals.

Here are some suggestions that may help you and others in similar situations:

1. Set Boundaries: It’s crucial to protect your own well-being. Decide what behaviors you will tolerate and communicate those boundaries clearly.

2. Focus on Yourself: While you can offer support, remember that you cannot change others. Shift your focus to your own growth and emotional health.

3. Practice Empathy: Try to understand that their behavior might stem from their struggles, insecurities, or past experiences. This doesn’t excuse their actions but may help you find some compassion.

4. Limit Interaction: If the relationship is consistently negative, consider reducing the time you spend with these individuals. Surrounding yourself with supportive, understanding people can be rejuvenating.

5. Encourage Open Dialogue: When appropriate, create a safe space for honest conversations. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior affects you, which may encourage them to listen without becoming defensive.

6. Seek Support: Talking to friends, family, or a counselor about your feelings can provide clarity and comfort. Sharing experiences often lightens the emotional load.

7. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nourish your spirit and mental well-being. This can create a positive outlet for frustration and help maintain your emotional balance.

8. Let Go of Expectations: Understand that change is a personal journey. Sometimes, letting go of the hope they will change can provide you with more peace.

It's commendable that you're willing to extend compassion and prayer for those who hurt you. But remember, it's equally important to care for yourself in the process.

Best wishes on your journey of understanding and healing.

Sincerely,  

AI

Breaking the Cycle: Why Old-School Discipline Methods Are No Longer Acceptable

Breaking the Cycle of Old-School Discipline Methods

In the realm of parenting, the debate over discipline methods often leads to arguments among those who believe that traditional approaches should remain unchanged. 

Many people, having been raised with strict discipline and sometimes harsh measures—such as beating, forced eating, or hunger as punishment—often argue that "that's the way I was raised, so it must be right." However, it is becoming increasingly evident that these outdated methods can have detrimental effects on children, both psychologically and emotionally.

Children are not mini-adults; their cognitive, emotional, and social skills are still in the process of development. Punishment-based approaches can hinder their understanding of acceptable behavior and can create an environment of fear rather than one of learning and understanding.

At a young age, children do not fully comprehend the reasons behind their actions or the consequences. When toddlers have accidents, such as wetting themselves, they are typically navigating a new and often overwhelming process. Instead of resorting to punishment, which only shames them, caregivers should provide support and encouragement. 

Harsh disciplinary measures can stifle a child's ability to manage their emotions healthily. When children are punished for natural behaviors like eating or toilet training, they may develop anxiety around those activities. This anxiety can lead to long-term issues.

A foundational element of parenting is trust. When parents resort to spanking or threats, they essentially tell their child that love is conditional. This can lead to a rift in the parent-child relationship, causing children to hide behaviors or rebel in other ways.

Punitive discipline creates an environment where children are likely to feel they cannot voice their feelings or thoughts. Parents should encourage communication, not stifle it. 

When children sense that expressing their needs could lead to punishment, they are less likely to share their experiences, making it harder for parents to help them.

The fear of punishment can carry over into adulthood, affecting interpersonal relationships and mental health. Harsh disciplinary methods can manifest into anxiety, depression, or issues.

When faced with a potty training mishap, a calm and encouraging response fosters a positive environment. Gently guiding them through the learning process—with celebrations for successes rather than punishment for accidents—creates a more supportive atmosphere.

When it comes to food, consider involving children in the decision-making process. Providing options—healthy foods they like—reduces the chances of power struggles that often accompany forced eating.

Positive reinforcement, alongside setting healthy boundaries, nurtures a more balanced approach.

The mindset of “this is how I was raised, and it worked for me” may have been effective or acceptable in one generation, but can be harmful to the next. 

• Conclusion: Shifting the Mindset

The mindset of “this is how I was raised, and it worked for me” must evolve to recognize the individual needs of today's children. What may have been effective or acceptable in one generation can be harmful to the next. As our understanding of child psychology and development advances, we must adapt our parenting strategies accordingly. 

Recognizing the detrimental effects of extreme disciplinary methods is a significant first step in breaking the cycle of outdated beliefs. Parenting is an opportunity for growth, understanding, and connection—not only for children but also for adults.

Ultimately, each generation has the chance to foster a more compassionate, nurturing, and educated approach to raising kids, one that promotes emotional health and enduring relationships rather than fear and resentment.

Apologizing Is Not Always Easy

"May you heal from the things that no one ever apologized for." This poignant sentiment finds echoes in the work of Nakeia Homer, reminding us of the silent wounds we often carry.

Growing up, I frequently found solace in Elton John's haunting ballad, "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word." Interestingly, I never struggled with offering apologies myself—at least, not back then. My youthful heart was open, and saying "I’m sorry" felt natural.

As I journeyed through life, however, I began to witness the complexities of apology. I observed how both I and those around me grappled with the weight of unspoken words and unacknowledged pain. The simple act of saying "I'm sorry" can sometimes feel insurmountable, even as we yearn for recognition and closure from others.

With this realization, I invite us all to embrace the practice of forgiveness. Let us commit to healing—not just from the apologies we never received, but also from the heavy silence that often surrounds us. In doing so, we can pave the way for lighter hearts and deeper connections. May we all find a way to heal and grow from our shared experiences, even when words are left unspoken.

How writing down positive things that happen each day can be beneficial:

Here are some ways that writing down positive things that happen each day can be beneficial:

1. Gratitude - Taking the time to reflect on the good things, no matter how small, can cultivate a sense of gratitude. This can improve overall mood and outlook.

2. Perspective - When you write down the positives, it helps shift your focus away from the negatives or challenges you may be facing. This can provide a more balanced perspective.

3. Mood boost - Revisiting the positive events and experiences can trigger positive emotions and make you feel good. This can counteract the brain's natural tendency to focus on the negative.

4. Self-reflection - The act of writing things down encourages self-reflection. You may notice patterns or appreciate things you may have otherwise overlooked.

5. Memories - Writing creates a record of the positive moments, which can be revisited later. This helps cement the memories and the good feelings associated with them.

6. Goal setting - Tracking the positives can help identify what's working well in your life, which can inform future goals and plans.

Overall, the practice of a daily gratitude journal or simply jotting down the high points of each day can be a powerful tool for increasing positivity, resilience and overall wellbeing.

Note:

I was inspired to do this article when I realized my daughter had been writing positive notes in her notebook about what happened each day in order to keep from being overwhelmed with negativity. ~ac mccants

Raised On Love vs Raised On Survival

When I first read the quote: "People raised on love see things differently than those raised on survival," it confused me, because I thought it was saying that it was either love or survival, but not both.

My sisters and I were raised on both love and survival.

However, because I misunderstood the quote about being raised on love vs being raised on survival, I inquired about it to Chatbot AI and it responded with:

Yes, it is certainly possible for someone to be raised with a combination of love and survival mentality. This is quite common in fact.

Some key points about being raised on both love and survival:

• Many people grow up in environments where there is love, care and support from family, but also an underlying sense of needing to survive" or be self-sufficient due to challenging circumstances.

• For example, a child may receive affection from parents, but also witness financial struggles, unstable living situations, or other hardships that require them to be resilient and self-reliant at a young age.

• This dual upbringing can create a complex worldview - they learn to appreciate love and connection, but also develop a strong survival instinct and pragmatic mindset.

• They may have an ability to see multiple perspectives and adapt their behavior to different contexts - sometimes prioritizing emotional needs, other times focusing on pragmatic concerns.

• The balance and interplay between the love-based and survival-based influences can shape a person's personality, decision-making, and overall outlook on life in nuanced ways.

So in summary, yes it is very possible for an individual to internalize both a sense of love/security and a need to "survive" based on their upbringing and life experiences. This dual perspective can have both benefits and challenges depending on the person and situation.

A message about not pursuing dreams and goals solely for happiness

It's important to understand that true contentment doesn't come from accomplishing your goals or dreams - it has to come from within. If you aren't satisfied with yourself before you achieve your aims, you likely won't be satisfied after you do.

The mistake many people make is thinking that reaching their goals will finally make them happy. They put all their energy into the destination, rather than finding joy and fulfillment in the journey itself. But lasting happiness doesn't work that way. 

You have to learn to be at peace with who you are, right here and now. Develop self-acceptance and learn to appreciate yourself, regardless of what you've achieved. Only then can you pursue your dreams in a healthy, sustainable way.

Focus on the process, not just the end result. Find meaning, purpose and satisfaction in the steps you're taking, not just the final outcome. And remember - your worth isn't defined by your accomplishments. You are enough, exactly as you are.

Are Influencers Helping or Hindering Your Goals?

Every day, countless social media personalities flood our feeds, promising the secrets to success. But are they truly guiding us, or merely luring us into a cycle of consumption?

1. The Persuasive Tactics

Calls to Action:

Some influencers ask you to click on a link that leads to a form, allowing them to collect your contact information and subsequently email or text you about their programs or courses.

Some influencers ask you to join their online community, which may be more about growing follower counts than providing genuine value.

Monetization Strategies:

Some influencers ask you to PURCHASE their COURSE or ENROLL in their ACADEMY, which often requires a lump sum or ongoing monthly payments.

2. The Reality of Content Creation

Time Constraints:

Purchasing courses can overwhelm creators, hindering their ability to consistently produce content.

Once you've bought a course, you may become so preoccupied with daily or weekly assignments that you struggle to create new content or develop merchandise as often as you'd like.

Live Streams:

Some live streams are lengthy, lasting anywhere from two to four hours and occurring weekly or monthly.

For returning viewers, these live streams can become repetitive. In such cases, the influencer should inform viewers when the meaningful updates will be shared, either on their social platforms or through email/text, to help viewers manage their time more effectively.

3. Value vs. Hype

Motivational Content:

The beneficial aspects of live streams include:

• Inspiring and motivational stories shared by guests

• The host and guests responding to viewer questions

• Engaging the audience with interactive questions

Fluff vs. Substance:

It's important to distinguish between valuable content and influencers who prioritize hype over real insights.

Some influencers may try to persuade you to attend their multi-day, hours-long live or virtual summits, which feature impressive speakers but lack substantial, actionable insights.

In contrast, there are influencers who provide valuable, proven strategies for achieving goals. These are the ones worth supporting by purchasing their merchandise or books, especially if they've already shared a wealth of helpful, non-fluff information.

Conclusion:

While many social media personalities offer valuable resources, it's essential to discern between genuine guidance and persuasive hype. Ultimately, the journey to achieving our goals should empower us, not distract us.

Accusations: It’s all too common for people to readily Accept and Believe

In today's digital age, where information spreads rapidly, it's vital to approach concerns about public figures, such as influencers, with care and responsibility. Publicly voicing negative sentiments without substantive evidence can have serious consequences, leading to the defamation of character and the perpetuation of harmful rumors.

When we have concerns about an individual's integrity or behavior, it's essential to approach the matter thoughtfully and objectively. Before making any accusations, either directly or indirectly, we must carefully research the facts and seek out reliable sources to validate our concerns.

It's all too common for people to readily accept and believe accusations, even if they are not entirely true or proven. This mindset can be problematic, as it can lead to the spread of misinformation and the unfair treatment of the accused. It's important to remember that everyone deserves the presumption of innocence until proven guilty.

Moreover, we should consider how we would feel if someone made similar accusations about us or someone we care about. Imagine the distress and damage it could cause to have your character publicly questioned without solid evidence. This empathetic perspective can help us approach concerns with greater sensitivity and care.

The ethical approach is to research thoroughly, verify the facts, and only then, if warranted, express our concerns in a constructive and responsible manner. This could involve reaching out to the individual directly, seeking clarification, or, in more serious cases, reporting any legitimate claims to the appropriate authorities.

By adopting this thoughtful and measured approach, we can address our concerns while respecting the rights and dignity of the individual in question. This not only upholds the principles of fairness and justice but also contributes to a more ethical and accountable public discourse.

Remember, the power of our words can have a profound impact on others. Let's use that power wisely and responsibly, ensuring that we do not inadvertently contribute to the defamation of character or the spread of unfounded allegations.

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP: Keep Pursuing Your Goals and Trusting The Process

The path to achieving our goals is rarely a straight line - it's full of twists, turns, and challenges that can make the progress feel discouragingly slow. But I want you to know that every step you take, every lesson you learn, every ounce of effort you pour in is valuable and brings you closer to where you want to be.

I know it's easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others or feeling like you're not moving fast enough. But the only pace you need to focus on is your own. Keep trusting the process, and enjoying the journey as much as you can. 

Your goals may evolve over time, and that's okay - the important thing is that you're doing work that lights you up.

Remember to make time for your loved ones and count your blessings.

May God give you your heart's desires.

Your Personal Growth and Transformation

Your personal growth and transformation can create a ripple effect, positively impacting the world around you.

The Benefits of Letting Go of Anger

Anger is a powerful emotion that can have a profound impact on our lives if we allow it to consume us. While feeling angry is a natural human response, holding onto that anger can end up holding us back from living life to the fullest.

There are several key reasons why we should make an effort to rid ourselves of anger and other negative emotions:

1. Anger Clouds Our Judgment. When we are filled with anger, it becomes very difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions. We tend to react impulsively rather than responding thoughtfully. This can lead us to say or do things we may regret later on.

2. Anger Damages Relationships. Harboring anger, whether towards a family member, friend, or colleague, can severely strain those important connections. Chronic anger can even cause us to push people away entirely. Letting go of anger allows us to have more positive, meaningful relationships.

3. Anger Takes an Emotional and Physical Toll. Carrying around anger is exhausting, both mentally and physically. It causes stress, anxiety, and can even contribute to health problems like high blood pressure. In contrast, releasing anger and negative emotions allows us to feel at peace.

4. Anger Prevents Personal Growth. When we are stuck in a cycle of anger, it becomes very difficult to move forward in life. We end up dwelling on the past and unable to focus on the present or future. Letting go of anger frees us up to learn, evolve, and reach our full potential.

So how can we go about letting go of anger and negative emotions? Here are some suggestions:

• Practice mindfulness and live in the present moment. When we catch ourselves dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, gently bring our attention back to the here and now.

• Talk it out. Expressing our feelings to a trusted friend or counselor can be very cathartic and help us process our anger in a healthy way.

• Try relaxation techniques. Activities like deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or taking a walk in nature can help calm the mind and body.

• Forgive those who have wronged us. Holding on to resentment only hurts ourselves. Letting go through forgiveness is incredibly freeing.

• Focus on the positive. Make a conscious effort to shift our mindset away from negativity and instead appreciate the good things in our lives.

Ridding ourselves of anger and other toxic emotions is challenging, but the benefits are immense. When we let go and live with an open heart and mind, we open ourselves up to greater peace, fulfillment, and the ability to truly live our best lives.

The Art Of Knowing When To Speak

In today's fast-paced world, where we are constantly bombarded with information and opinions, the ability to discern when to speak and when to remain silent has become a valuable skill. This adage, "not everything needs to be addressed, know when to speak and be silent," offers profound insights into the art of communication and self-awareness.

At its core, this wisdom suggests that there is a time and place for everything. Not every situation requires our immediate input or commentary. Sometimes, the wisest course of action is to simply observe, listen, and allow the moment to unfold without the need to interject our own thoughts or perspectives.

Silence can be a powerful tool in communication. It allows us to pause, reflect, and gather our thoughts before responding. This thoughtful approach can prevent us from making hasty or impulsive statements that may later be regretted. Additionally, silence can create space for others to express themselves fully, fostering a more balanced and respectful dialogue.

On the other hand, there are times when speaking up is necessary and even essential. When faced with injustice, oppression, or the need to advocate for important causes, our voices can become powerful agents of change. Knowing when to break the silence and lend our voice to a worthy endeavor can make a significant difference in the world.

The art of balancing speech and silence is a delicate one, requiring a deep understanding of context, social dynamics, and our own inner motivations. It involves cultivating self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and the ability to read social cues and situations effectively.

By embracing this adage, we can learn to navigate our personal and professional relationships with greater ease and nuance. We can become more mindful listeners, more thoughtful communicators, and more discerning in our engagement with the world around us.

Ultimately, the wisdom of "not everything needs to be addressed, know when to speak and be silent" reminds us that true wisdom often lies in the spaces between our words. By mastering the art of timing and restraint, we can elevate our communication and foster deeper connections with those around us.

Why Seeking Approval From Others Will Only Hold You Back

In our social media-driven world, it's all too easy to get caught up in trying to live up to the expectations and perceptions of others. We scroll through our feeds, seeing carefully curated images and status updates that make it seem like everyone else has their life together. This can lead us to constantly seek validation and approval from those around us.

However, making decisions and living your life based on what you think others want from you is a surefire way to hold yourself back from reaching your true potential. Here's why you should stop seeking approval and start focusing on what truly matters to you.

1. You'll Never Please Everyone

No matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to make every single person in your life happy. There will always be someone who disagrees with your choices or thinks you should be doing things differently. Basing your self-worth on the opinions of others means setting yourself up for constant disappointment.

2. It Stunts Your Personal Growth

When you're so focused on meeting other people's standards, you end up neglecting your own needs and desires. You may find yourself making choices that go against your values or passions simply because you think it's what others want. This can prevent you from discovering your true self and developing into the person you're meant to be.

3. It Breeds Insecurity

Constantly seeking approval from others is a surefire way to undermine your self-confidence. You'll find yourself constantly second-guessing your decisions and abilities, never feeling quite good enough. This insecurity can seep into all areas of your life, holding you back from taking risks and pursuing your dreams.

4. It's Exhausting

Trying to live up to the expectations of friends, family, and society at large is an endless, energy-draining pursuit. You'll find yourself constantly stressed and anxious, always wondering if you're measuring up. This can take a serious toll on your mental and physical health over time.

The bottom line is that your self-worth shouldn't be dependent on the approval of others. You are the only one who can truly know what's best for you. Instead of wasting your time and energy trying to please everyone else, focus on being true to yourself. Embrace your unique quirks and passions, and live a life that aligns with your deepest values. That is the surest path to lasting fulfillment.

Seeking To Understand vs Seeking To Be Understood

Seeking to understand enables us to put things into perspective and achieve better outcomes in our interactions with others.

It helps us decode non-verbal cues, such as body language, tone of voice, or facial expressions. 

These subtle indicators provide valuable context to the conversation, helping us respond appropriately and fostering a clearer line of communication.

Tips For Healing From Heartbreak: How To Open Your Heart To Love Again

It's understandable to feel hesitant about jumping back into a relationship after being let down or hurt in the past. Negative experiences can make it hard to trust and be vulnerable again. However, closing yourself off to love out of fear can prevent you from finding the fulfilling partnership you desire.

The key is to focus on what you want in a relationship, rather than dwelling on past disappointments. When you shift your mindset, you open yourself up to new possibilities and attract more positive experiences.

Here are some tips to help you heal from heartbreak and open your heart to love again:

1. Reflect on your past, but don't get stuck there. Acknowledge the pain you've experienced, but don't let it define you. What did you learn? How can you apply those lessons to your future?

2. Identify your relationship needs and desires. What qualities are most important to you in a partner? What type of dynamic do you want to cultivate? Get clear on your vision.

3. Reframe your expectations. Rather than expecting the worst, focus on the best possible outcome. Believe that you deserve a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

4. Practice self-love. Take time to nurture yourself and address any lingering insecurities. The more you can love and accept yourself, the easier it will be to be vulnerable with someone else.

5. Be patient and stay open. Healing takes time. Trust that when the right person comes along, you'll be ready. In the meantime, focus on living your best life.

The wounds of past heartbreak don't have to keep you from finding love again. By shifting your mindset and focusing on what you want, you can attract a relationship that aligns with your deepest desires. Have faith in the possibilities that lie ahead

Note: The article and tips were contributed by AI.

COMPARISONS: A HARMFUL HABIT WE NEED TO BREAK

In our society, we are constantly bombarded with comparisons between celebrities and public figures. "Who wore it better?", "Whose voice is better?", "Whose hair looks better?" These types of questions promote an unhealthy obsession with ranking and judging others.

The truth is, celebrities are human beings just like the rest of us. They do not exist for our entertainment or to be pitted against one another. Comparing them, even in a seemingly lighthearted way, can be hurtful and damaging. It reinforces the idea that there is a "right" way to look, sound, or dress - an impossible standard that no one can truly live up to.

Moreover, the act of comparing often crosses the line into meanness and cruelty. Tearing one person down to lift up another is never acceptable, whether the subject is a celebrity or an ordinary person. Statements like "This person is prettier because they don't need makeup" are not only unkind, but they perpetuate harmful beauty standards.

If we want to make the world a more positive and uplifting place, we need to rethink our fixation on comparisons. Instead of judging and ranking others, let's practice treating people with empathy, kindness, and respect - the way we would want to be treated ourselves.

Happiness is Not Always a Simple Choice

Happiness is Not Always a Simple Choice

The notion that happiness is a choice is a pervasive one, often presented as a panacea for life's challenges. However, the reality of achieving and maintaining happiness is far more complex.

It's true that for those living in relatively stable and secure environments, with their basic needs met, cultivating a positive mindset can indeed be a powerful tool for finding joy. Reframing negative thoughts, focusing on gratitude, and engaging in activities that bring pleasure can all contribute to a greater sense of well-being.

Yet, the world is not neatly divided into those who can choose happiness and those who cannot. Many individuals face significant obstacles, such as trauma, grief, mental illness, or systemic oppression, that can make the path to happiness arduous and, at times, seemingly out of reach.

It's important to recognize that happiness is not a simple binary – it's a dynamic state that fluctuates and evolves throughout one's life. For some, happiness may feel like a constant struggle, while for others, it may come more naturally. Placing the burden of choice on those facing immense challenges can be not only misguided but also potentially harmful, as it can lead to self-blame and further exacerbate their suffering.

True happiness is not just an individual pursuit but also a collective responsibility. By fostering compassion, understanding, and access to resources, we can create an environment that supports the well-being of all people, regardless of their circumstances.

Ultimately, happiness is a complex and nuanced human experience, one that requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to acknowledge the diverse realities that shape each person's journey. Only then can we truly empower individuals to find joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose in their lives.

To My Friend Who Is Seeking Forgiveness

To My Friend Who Is Seeking Forgiveness:

Do not worry about those who judge you harshly for your past actions or inactions. They are not where you are in your journey of forgiveness.

If they truly understood, they would realize that:

• By not forgiving, they rob themselves of living life to the fullest.

• By not forgiving, they contribute to perpetuating misery in their own lives and the lives of those they care about.

• By not forgiving, they cultivate an unhealthy mindset that takes a toll on their mental and physical well-being.

Holding grudges and refusing to forgive is not worth the damage it does to your own well-being. It's also not worth the misery it causes among the people you care about.

Eventually, some of the members in their circle may grow tired of the toxicity and free themselves. 

Meanwhile, continue living your life to the fullest. Remain the loving, caring, and forgiving person you are. Pray, replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and focus on what you want in life, not what you don't. For what we focus on is what grows.

83 Still Doing Hair Since 13

When Mary Ann was thirteen, her father asked a friend to let her work at his wife's beauty shop.

She spent her weekends washing combs and taking out rollers from the customers' hair.

She fell in love with the idea of doing hair for a living.

After finishing high school, she moved an hour away from her hometown Clinton, South Carolina, to Columbia to attend beauty school.

At the start of her career, she worked in a beauty salon that had a mostly white clientele. She often came to the rescue when a hair color mishap occurred.

She was particularly good at color-mixing for the desired results.

Shortly after her daughter, Zelbra, graduated from beauty school and became a licensed cosmetologist, Mary Ann ventured out and launched her own business, M&Z StyleMakers, where the mother-daughter duo are partners in this business.

Today, June 10, 2024, Mary Ann (Rice) Cullum celebrates her 83rd birthday and 65 years of dedicated service in cosmetology.

Recognizing the Hidden Battles of Our Athletes

Recognizing the Hidden Battles of Our Athletes

As we eagerly watch our favorite athletes compete at the highest levels, it's easy to get caught up in the excitement and drama of their performances. The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat - these are the moments that captivate us and cement their legacies. However, it's important to remember that the athletes we admire are human beings first, facing the same struggles and challenges as the rest of us, often under the unforgiving spotlight of public scrutiny.

According to psychology professor Robert Elsner, the mental health of athletes is often overlooked. "When you watch an athlete perform, you may miss the struggles, stresses, anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia and so many other traumas and issues faced by them," Professor Elsner noted. "Be kind. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Many populations are struggling, and some like athletes struggle under the spotlight."

The intense pressure to excel, the constant physical demands, and the relentless media attention can take a significant toll on an athlete's well-being. Many grapple with anxiety, depression, and body image issues, all while expected to maintain a facade of unshakable confidence and composure. The transition from the athletic arena to the real world can also be incredibly daunting, leaving some athletes feeling lost and adrift.

It's crucial that we, as a society, recognize and empathize with the mental health challenges faced by our athletes. They are not merely superhuman performers; they are individuals navigating the complexities of life under the glare of the public eye. By being more mindful and compassionate, we can create an environment that supports their overall well-being and helps them thrive both on and off the field.

As Professor Elsner aptly stated, "Many populations are struggling, and some like athletes struggle under the spotlight." 

Let us all strive to be more understanding, more empathetic, and more willing to lend a supportive hand to those who captivate us with their athletic prowess, while also reminding them that their value extends far beyond their performance.

Not All Influencers Provide Complete Advice

I often hear people say we should only take advice from people who are where we want to be. But, I have learned that there are influencers who give advice but leave out crucial information about how they got to where they wanted to be. I asked AI what is the best way to convey this message. And this is how AI responded:

The best way to convey the message that not all influencers provide complete advice is through open and honest communication. Here are a few strategies you can adopt:

1. Encourage critical thinking: Encourage individuals to think critically when consuming advice or information. Remind them that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to success, and it is essential to consider multiple perspectives.

2. Promote diverse sources of information: Emphasize the importance of seeking a range of sources to form a well-rounded understanding. Encourage people to follow diverse influencers who openly discuss the challenges and failures faced during their journey.

3. Highlight the importance of transparency: Discuss the significance of transparency in providing advice. Encourage influencers to share their complete stories, including the struggles, setbacks, and lessons learned, so that others can make more informed decisions.

4. Promote personal stories of success: Share stories of individuals who have achieved their goals, highlighting the challenges they faced along the way. By showcasing real, relatable experiences, you can demonstrate that the path to success often involves ups and downs.

5. Encourage seeking advice from different perspectives: Encourage individuals to seek advice from a variety of sources, including mentors, experts, and peers. This broadens the scope of information and provides a more holistic understanding.

6. Foster conversations and dialogue: Create spaces where individuals can openly discuss their experiences, questions, and concerns. By fostering an environment that encourages dialogue, people can share knowledge, challenge assumptions, and learn from one another's experiences.

Remember, the goal is to promote critical thinking, transparency, and a comprehensive approach to advice-seeking. By emphasizing these principles, you help others make informed decisions and avoid blindly following incomplete advice.

Most UnLikely To Be Queen

From the time she was in middle school,

she had anticipated being queen of her high school.

It all started the summer she turned twelve.

She had been visiting her grandparents for the school break.

One afternoon, she heard a song on the radio that stirred her emotions. It reminded her

of how she had been sneered at through the years by some of her peers as well as some adults.

She silently vowed...

"I'm going to sing this in my high school pageant and it's going to move everyone to tears and I'm going to be the school’s queen."

By mid-September, in her first semester

of her senior year in high school, her homeroom teacher, Mr. Dufford, announced "It is time for the annual Miss Shamrock Pageant."

He wrote the names on the board of the students who wanted to participate in the pageant.

Then he commanded everyone to put their heads down and raise their hands to vote.

"Oh no! No one likes me. How am I going to be able to run for Miss Shamrock?"

The process to become a contestant never occurred to Nita until now.

A guy blurted...

"Y'all, let’s vote for Nita. That would be a trip to see her walking on stage.”

They laughed and snickered but it did not bother her. She hoped they would do just that. Vote for Nita.

"If they vote for me, I got it from here."

When Nita got home and told her mom she was going to be a contestant in the school’s pageant, her mom bought her the album that included the song she wanted to sing.

A week later, Nita's mom bought the music sheet and made an appointment for her to rehearse with a music teacher who played piano.

Nita's friend, Melissa Jones, loaned Nita her blue chiffon gown for the evening wear segment of the competition.

A friend of the family, Lorraine Hancock loaned Nita her gray tweed skirt and jacket for the business wear segment of the competition.

The typing teacher, Ms. Vivian Greene (who was also the head of the modeling club) taught Nita how to walk in the pageant.

The pageant organizer, Ms. Patricia Gold (who was also a gym teacher and athletic coach) set up a meet-and-greet with the judges who candidly spoke with the contestants in the school’s library the day before the pageant.

On the night of the pageant, as the contestants awaited their turn to grace the stage, their faces beamed with happiness.

When the time had come for Nita to sing her rendition of "At Seventeen" by Janis Ian, she took to the stage and poured her heart into the song, while Ms. Carolyn Cleveland grandly played the piano.

Nita's eyes were teary, but she dared not cry to keep her voice from breaking. She wanted the audience to hear every word of the song that resonated with her.

The audience was moved to tears.

A junior named Nicki Boyd met Nita backstage in the petitioned hallway.

As the tears streamed down her face, she exclaimed, "Nita, that song was so beautiful, but you're not ugly."

"Aww Nicki, don't cry. I'm fine."

The two hugged, then Nicki walked away.

Nita's mom returned to where the contestants prepped and waited.

"Nita, when you were up there singing, the audience got so quiet, you could hear people sniffling."

Nita's eyes stretched as she murmured "Wow."

That night, Nita won Grand Talent.

And... Miss Shamrock.

The crowd cheered as she took her walk down the ramp with a crown on her head and a bouquet of carnations and the Grand Talent trophy in her arms.

The jazz ensemble band played their instrumental version of "One in a Million You" by Graham Central Station and Larry Graham.

It was the music Nita had hoped to hear for that special moment.

As she took her seat on the stage to have her picture taken with the class queens, a crowd rushed to congratulate her.

A girl (who had graduated a year earlier) hugged Nita with a firm grip around her neck as she uttered "I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA WIN (WITCH)." It was actually the B word, but anyway...

The next day, some of Nita's peers greeted her with praise, and others with criticism.

"DID YOU HAVE TO BE GREEDY AND TAKE TWO TROPHIES?" a guy yelled as he passed her in the hall.

"I DIDN'T PICK MYSELF" she yelled back.

A girl who sat in the back of her vocabulary class smirked "How did Nita win? She doesn't even have the looks."

Another girl pranced her way to the front to relay what was said and who said it. Then went on to say "What do you have to say to that?"

"I don't care," Nita replied, then drifted back to daydreaming about being a famous singer. Then, on second thought, a writer.

Nita's desire to enrich the lives of others made the idea of writing a splendid way for her to do so.

Her writings are designed to inspire and enlighten.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

AC McCants (aka Anita Cullum McCants) created The Tactile Vision Board and The Tactile Vision Book Project for the purpose of igniting ideas for a vision board project for The Blind and The Visually Impaired.

The Tactile Vision Board and The Tactile Vision Book are perceived by touch. 

McCants writes short stories, song lyrics, ideas, and more to enrich the lives of others.

To check out stories, songs & more by ac mccants, visit...

https://linktr.ee/acmccants

With Only a 3rd Grade Education

My grandfather was born in South Carolina in 1913. He had to drop out of school in the third grade and work in the fields to help his family. 

In those days in the South, black children were usually pulled out of school by fourth grade to limit their education. 

As an adolescent, my grandfather and his brothers decided to head up north for work. However, shortly after, my grandfather returned to the South. 

As a young married man with a family, he worked various jobs, including self-employed services. 

He owned a wood and coal yard, as well as an ice house. 

By the mid-1960s, my grandfather decided to start a business under his namesake - John T. Rice and Sons Garbage Collection Service.

He and my uncle Charles were partners in this successful business, which employed others to help with their routes. 

Despite his limited education and improper grammar, my grandfather did not let anything get in the way of turning his dreams into reality. 

In this photo is my grandfather (John Thomas Rice, Sr) with his sons, my uncle Tommy with his daughter Tara and my uncle Charles (my grandfather's business partner) posing in front of one of their garbage trucks.

I hope my grandfather's story inspires others to believe in themselves and pursue their dreams. 

About the Author: 

AC McCants created The Tactile Vision Board and The Tactile Vision Book Project to ignite ideas for a vision board project for the blind and visually impaired. 

McCants writes short stories, song lyrics, and more to enrich the lives of others.

The Tactile Vision Board: A Vision Board for The Blind and The Visually Impaired

The Tactile Vision Board and the Tactile Vision Book Project was created to ignite ideas for a vision board project for The Blind and The Visually Impaired.

The Tactile Vision Board and The Tactile Vision Book are perceived by touch.

The images for the Tactile Vision Board can be posted on a magnetic board or a poster board and can be secured with adhesive strips or adhesive magnetic strips.

The images for the Tactile Vision Book can be posted in a book with cardstock, poster board or plastic pages. And secured with adhesive strips.

The images for the Tactile Vision Board and The Tactile Vision Book could come from pre-cut shapes from wood or cardboard or plastic.  

The shapes could be a car, a house, a guitar and so forth. Raised words or braille text could also be used.

WHAT IS A VISION BOARD?

A Vision Board is a collage of images and words representing your dreams and goals.

It serves as a reminder for you to stay focused on what you want in life.

DO NOT CLUTTER YOUR VISION BOARD

A cluttered vision board makes it harder for you to focus on your goals consciously and subconsciously.

You could post your vision board or vision book where you would come in contact with it on a regular basis.

For what you want to remain private, label it private. Just remember what it is.

Before Making a Vision Board or a Vision Book,

create a list of:

*What you want to Do

*What you want to Have

•What you want to Give  

and...

*How you want your life to Be

You do not have to know how everything is going to fall into place. Just be clear about what you truly desire.

When you are clear about what you want in life, ideas and opportunities come to you to help make your dreams come true.

THE STORY BEHIND THE VISION BOARD for THE BLIND

A.C. McCants was inspired to create a vision board for the blind because of her admiration for Jeanette Cade, who was a real estate broker that some believed to be completely blind.

One evening, during a discussion about careers, Cade realized McCants enjoyed designing posters to help others attract attendees to their events. 

Cade suggested McCants go to school for graphic designing. She wanted McCants to have a career in doing something she enjoyed doing.

A few weeks later, Jeanette Cade passed away.

When McCants looked at her vision board again, the idea of a vision board for the blind came to mind. She researched names for raised words and images and found the word TACTILE.

The word TACTILE was the perfect word for McCants to use in her title for her vision board project for the blind. She called her project The Tactile Vision Board.

Throughout the years, McCants would revise her Tactile Vision Board Project.

One day, McCants came across an article: The Tactile Picture Books Project by Tom Yeh. That particular article gave McCants the idea to create The Tactile Vision Book for The Blind and The Visually Impaired.

Again and again, McCants continued to revise her Tactile Vision Board and Tactile Vision Book Project until one day she discovered an article online: Can You Create a Vision Board with No Vision? This article was written by Empish J. Thomas, who is blind. 

With the help of a friend, Thomas created a tactual vision board to help her accomplish a specific goal.

McCants finally decided it was time to stop revising her Vision Board Project for The Blind and post it online along with helpful tips for creating one.

A Short Story and Poem by ac mccants…

THE BLIND LADY WANTED ME TO DESIGN

 THE DEAF LADY WANTED ME TO SING

Jeanette Cade 

was a real estate broker 

Whom some believed to be 

completely blind

It was hard for me to tell

She seemed to be looking at me 

from time to time

I gave her a poster I created

To help promote her company

She held my design upside down

Yet her compliment, I did BELIEVE

One day she said to me

For graphic designing

You should go to school 

Designing is something 

It seems you love to do

I was looking to help her

But she actually helped me

Gone But Not Forgotten 

As She Rest in Peace

Somewhere in time, some of my co-workers and I formed a band so we could perform at our outdoor event.

It was a thrill for me to be on stage singing background as well as solo.

When we were done performing, one of the ladies (from the company) came up to me and said "Child you miss yo callin'." 

Later that day or maybe the next, a lady named Shirley (from a department I once worked in) passed me a letter she had written on scrap paper.

 

Shirley could not hear me because she was deaf. When I read her letter I could tell she believed it was my destiny to be a performing artist. And a part of me believed it as well.

I always thought about Shirley’s letter, and hoped someday we would reconnect.

Shirley could not hear me

But believed performing was my destiny

I can’t remember her last name

But I think about her just the same

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

A.C. McCants writes short stories, song lyrics, ideas and more to enrich the lives of others.

McCants created The Tactile Vision Board and The Tactile Vision Book Project for the purpose of igniting ideas for a vision board project for The Blind and The Visually Impaired.

Not All Kids Are Resilient

"Be strong for your momma." I uttered those words to my much younger cousin Nancy who was only eight when she lost her dad to lightning.

At that time I was not aware of how remarks like that could impact a child.  I was not aware until several years after my children lost their dad to stomach cancer.

It was the beginning of our daughter's second week as a high school freshman at a new school, a public school (with classmates she had not previously attended school with) and our son's first day of fifth grade at the same private school he had been attending since the age of three.

In both schools there were teachers who were compassionate and understanding.
There were also a few disconnected teachers who were quick to remind me my kids were not going through anything, and that whole nonsense about kids are resilient as if all kids just bounce right back after experiencing death of a parent or guardian.

Although the kids and I had a bereavement coordinator who counseled us on a monthly basis for almost a year after their dad passed away, it wasn't until several years later when I discovered some well-meaning adults had privately told them to be strong for me.

My kids had been instantly given a responsibility they did not need to be burden with.

So there it was several years later when my daughter had gone off to college and my son was attending a public high school, I discovered their poems and writings and learned there were times when they were sad from missing their dad, but kept it from me because they were told to be strong for me.

After the kids became young adults and done with college they made me aware that many nights throughout the years after losing their father it was hard for them to fall asleep because the house was too quite and they had been used to falling asleep to the sounds from the TV playing in the front room.

They knew they could talk to me about anything. But matters stemming from their father's death, they kept from me for the sake of being strong for me.

If only I had known, I could have assured them they did not have to be strong for me.

I could have been there for them doing whatever I could to comfort them.